Lost in the World

I grew up a daydreamer. I was the kid always staring off into space in class, endlessly making up life events in my head. I still continued to do that throughout my schooling, still managing to get good grades. One could say I’m a wizard multi-tasker… maybe that will be my next resume booster. I was so optimistic and hopeful about my future but I can be my own worst enemy when things don’t work out.

Lately, nostalgia has been pumping through my veins like a freight train. Why was I ever in a rush to grow up? My years of schooling seemed to have come and went in a flash without much recollection of what happened. I was so focused, yet unfocused with my life. I had great experiences- don’t get me wrong. However, I was almost too focused, putting aside friendships and relationships just to obtain the most collegiate experience I could have. This has left me with many career interests and unrelated work experiences that make me even more uncertain with my future. The concept of school seems so secure (Kanye) but I’m now faced with the reality that all that glitters isn’t always gold.

I have had countless interviews and applied to more jobs than Taylor Swift has men to screw. As much as I try to reassure myself that I’m not the only one in this position, many people surrounding me have got it all made. Great job offers, loving relationships, traveling experiences. And I’m left to wonder if I was making the right decisions all along. Should I have taken more chances at love and actually texted that guy back? Should I have taken a risk at that internship in the city? Should I have taken a risk traveling abroad (again)? Was having a plan even worth it in the end? I’m left coldly wondering.

As a creative person, the feeling of being trapped and not being able to pursue your craft(s) is ultimately crippling to your whole demeanor. The view of the world is dull. My creative hobbies are becoming a chore- job searching and working part-time are killing my vibe. I feel defeated but mainly lost. I got lost along the way in my head and out of touch with the harshness of reality.

As hopeless as I’m feeling there is still a glimmer of hope burning inside me. That’s why I’m taking a risk on my future, because what’s life without risk? I’m risking the familiarity of my hometown for a fresh start and a new beginning in a different place… far, far, away. I’ll figure it all out one day even if it is not what I always envisioned for myself. Brighter days are coming, even if they’re at a snails pace. It’s exciting to think my greatest days haven’t happened yet- and that is something to daydream about.

-Eno

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